called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
This house was built for laser tag.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
we should paint friendship bongs
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
