Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
