Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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