if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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