Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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