Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
