As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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