i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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