how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've blown a few things in my day
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
