I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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