so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
