Umm I'm too high to move.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
