found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
