jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
