I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
