dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize