Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
