I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
