What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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