You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
