i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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