Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
