Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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