he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
