Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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