oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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