You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
