I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
