how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
