Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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