Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
