i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
