sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
