I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
