let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
