sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
