guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
