I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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