i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
