I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
