You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
