I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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