Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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