You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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