every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
