I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
