Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
