Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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