I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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