and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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