Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
